Dear Math

Dear Math, Stop asking us to find your X. She's not coming back and don't ask Y either.

Wisdom camouflaged as a fool

A little boy named David used to hang out at the local corner market. The other boys teased him constantly, saying that Johnny was two bricks shy of a load or two pickles short of a barrel. Puzzled about their behavior, the store owner eavesdropped on their conversation one day.

David stood silently as the boys offered him a choice between a nickel or a dime. David took the nickel. The boys immediately laughed, saying he was too dumb to know that the bigger coin was worthless. The store owner took him aside and said, “David, those boys are making fun of you. They think you don’t know a dime is worth more than a nickel. Are you really grabbing the nickel because it’s bigger?”

David turned to the store owner and with a big grin on his face, he said, “Well, if I took the dime, they’d stop playing the game. And so far, I’ve saved twenty dollars!” The other boys in the neighborhood may think that Johnny is a fool, but David certainly is wiser than them all.

Does God exist?

A man went to a barbershop to have his hair cut and his beard trimmed. As the barber began to work, they began to have a good conversation. They talked about so many things and various subjects.

When they eventually touched on the subject of God, the barber said: 'I don't believe that God exists.'

'Why do you say that?' asked the customer.

'Well, you just have to go out in the street to realize that God doesn't exist. Tell me, if God exists, would there be so many sick people? Would there be abandoned children? If God existed, there would be neither suffering nor pain. I can't imagine a loving God who would allow all of these things.'

The customer thought for a moment, but didn't respond because he didn't want to start an argument. The barber finished his job and the customer left the shop.

Just after he left the barbershop, he saw a man in the street with long, stringy, dirty hair and an untrimmed beard. He looked dirty and unkempt. The customer turned back to enter the barbershop again and said to the barber: 'You know what? Barbers do not exist.'

'How can you say that?' asked the surprised barber. 'I am here, and I am a barber. And I just worked on you!'

'No!' the customer exclaimed. 'Barbers don't exist because if they did, there would be no people with dirty long hair and untrimmed beards, like that man outside.'

'Ah, but barbers DO exist! That's what happens when people do not come to me.'

'Exactly!' affirmed the customer. 'That's the point! God, too, DOES exist! That's what happens when people do not go to Him and don't look to Him for help. That's why there's so much pain and suffering in the world.'

Even the Genie doesn't understand women

One day a man was walking along the beach when he found a
bottle, when he opened it up a genie popped out. The genie said
he could have one wish. The man thought about it a while then
told the man that he was afraid of heights and got sea sick,
but really wanted to go to Hawaii so he asked the genie to make
a highway to Hawaii.

"I don't know," said the genie, "that is really difficult. Do you
have another request?"

"Well, I really want to know all about women, you know, how
they tick and why they're the way they are!"

The genie replied: "Will that be two lanes or four?"

Too nice also dangerous

A fellow was very much in love with a beautiful girl. One day she told him that the next day was her birthday. He told her he would send her a bouquet of roses... one for each year of her life.

That evening he called the local florist and ordered twenty-one roses with instructions that they be delivered first thing the next morning.

As the florist was preparing the order, he decided that since the young man was such a good customer, he would put an extra dozen roses in the bouquet.

The fellow never did find out what made the young girl so angry with him.

Bathing with pond water

Sounds interesting. Yes, it is. Cool and refreshing pond water. No, I did not bath at the banks of the pond. The pond water is being pump to the bathroom. And here is the pond which is situated behind the bathroom. When you don't see where the water comes from, you would enjoy the fresh and cool water. Furthermore, because of the hot weather, bathing and scrubbing your body with the cool pond water is indeed a bliss.


The water smells of mud. And tasted muddy. The night where we stayed at the house, I had to bath and brush my teeth at the middle of the night. That's why I know how the water tasted like. The next afternoon, all of us learn the truth about the water.

Cross over to Malaysia lah

CROSSING THE BORDER

If you cross the North Korean border illegally
You get 12 years hard labour.

If you cross the Iranian border illegally
You are detained indefinitely.

If you cross the Afghan border illegally
You get shot.
If you cross the Saudi Arabian border illegally
You will be jailed.
If you cross the Chinese border illegally
You may never be heard again.
If you cross the Venezuelan border illegally
You will be branded a spy and your fate will be sealed.
If you cross the Cuban border illegally
You will be thrown into political prison to rot.
If you cross the British border illegally
You will be arrested, prosecuted and sent to prison and deported
If you are an Indonesian and cross the Malaysian border illegally
You will get:
- My PR (Permanent Residence)
- A driving license
- Voting rights
- Job reservation
- Special privilege to be consider as a bumiputera
- Credit cards
- Subsidized rent or a loan to buy a house
- Free education
- Free healthcare
Oh Malaysia ! What a great country!

Installing Husband

I received this in an email. Couldn't resist to post it for my own record.

ENJOY!

…

A woman writes to the IT Technical support Guy

Dear Tech Support,

Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and I noticed a distinct slowdown in the overall system performance, particularly in the flower and jewellery applications, which operated flawlessly underBoyfriend 5.0.

In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as
Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5, and then installed undesirable programs such as NEWS 5.0, MONEY 3.0 and FOOTBALL 4.1.

Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and Housecleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system.

Please note that I have tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail.
What can I do?

Signed,
_______ _________ _________ _________ _________ _________ _________ _________
Reply

DEAR Madam,

First, keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while Husband 1.0 is an operating system.

Please enter command: ithoughtyoulovedme. Html and try to download Tears 6.2 and do not forget to install the Guilt 3.0 update.

If that application works as designed, Husband1.0 should then automatically run the applications Jewellery 2.0 and Flowers 3.5..

However, remember, overuse of the above application can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Silence 2.5 or Beer 6.1.
Please note that Beer 6.1 is a very bad program that will download the Snoring Loudly Beta.

Whatever you do, DO NOT under any circumstances install Mother-In-Law 1.0 (it runs a virus in the background that will eventually seize control of all your system resources.)

In addition, please do not attempt to reinstall the Boyfriend 5.0 program. These are unsupported applications and will crash Husband 1.0.

In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly.

You might consider buying additional software to improve memory and performance.
We recommend: Cooking 3.0 and Good Looks 7.7..

Good Luck Madam!

40 years difference

When I was a 20-something college student, I became quite friendly with my study partner, a 64-year-old man, who had returned to school to finish his degree. He confessed, with a wink, that he had once thought more than friendship might be a possibility between us.

"So what changed your mind?" I asked him.

"I went to my doctor and asked if he thought a 40-year age difference between a man and woman was insurmountable. He looked at my chart and said, 'You're interested in someone who's 104?'"

Courtesy of Cybersalt Digest

Not her genes

Annabelle being cheeky and playful said this to her Mommy.

Annabelle: Mommy, you so crazylah.
Mommy: Yalar, if you say that then you have a crazy Mommy.

Daddy: Yalor Annabelle, thank God that you have more of Daddy's genes. If not, you be crazy too.

LOL. Then the Mommy attacked the Daddy."Help! Help!". Thank God Annabelle came to the rescue.

Ran out of Gas

The other day while driving back from work, I noticed that my car gas indicator pointed to empty. Haizz, ... been busy thinking about various matters until I forgot to check my car petrol. Anyway, that incident reminded me of this beautiful and humorous story. Enjoy.

A little girl asks her Mom, "May I take the dog for a walk around the block?" Mom says, "No honey, the dog is in heat."
"What's that mean?" asked the child. "Go ask your Father. I think he's in the garage". The little girl goes to the garage and says, "Dad, can I take Susie for a walk around the block? I
asked Mom but she said the dog was in heat and said I should ask you".

Her Dad said, "Bring Susie over here".

He took a rag, soaked it with gasoline, and scrubbed the dog's rear end with it and said, "Ok, you can go now but keep Susie on the leash and only go one time around the block". The
little girl leaves and returns a few minutes later with no dog on the leash.

Her Dad asks, "Where's Susie?"

The girl replies, "Susie ran out of gas about halfway down the block -and there's another dog pushing her home!

How and If?

Most of the time we tend to follow what other people accepts as true. Even simple phrases that we hear and see everyday seems alright at first glance. What is we think about it slightly deeper? Maybe we will laugh at it... enjoy.

How do they get a deer to cross at that yellow road sign?
How do you get the "Keep off the Grass" sign on the grass?
How do you get off a non-stop flight? How do you know when you've run out of invisible ink?
How do you throw away a garbage can?
How does the guy who drives the snowplow get to work in the mornings?
How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?
If a jogger runs at the speed of sound, can he still hear his Walkman?
If a pig is sold to the pawn shop,is it considered a ham-hock?
If a turtle lost his shell, is he homeless or naked? If athletes get athlete's foot, do astronauts get mistletoe?
If blind people wear dark glasses, why don't deaf people wear earmuffs?
If corn oil is made from corn, where do we get baby oil from?
If I save time, when do I get it back? If rabbits' feet are so lucky, then what happened to the rabbit?
If Superman is so smart why does he wear his underpants over his trousers?
If swimming is good for your shape, then why do the whales look like the way they do?

Logo is important

Who says brand is not important. In certain countries, your status in society is determined by what kind of branded stuffs you have. Like this branded car.

Hahaha...I think the owner of the car wants to make sure that everybody knows that he is rich and able to afford a Mercedes Benz.

Sarahella

After watching the movie Cinderella, five-year-old Sarah started using her pinwheel as a magic wand, pretending she was a fairy godmother. "Make three wishes," she told her mother, "and I'll grant them."

Her mom first asked for world peace. Sarah swung her wand and proclaimed the request fulfilled.

Next, her mother requested for a cure for all ill children. Again, with a sweep of the pinwheel, Sarah obliged.

The mother, with a glance down at her rather ample curves, made her third wish, "I wish to have a trim figure again."

The miniature fairy godmother started waving her wand madly.

"I'll need more power for this!" she exclaimed.

Both are mistaken

Ok...will take a break from talking about politics. Not everybody is interested in politics. Maybe a humor picture would be best here. Enjoy.

Friends who drinks with you

I always received emails that encourages me to treasure my friends. Well, in most circumstances it is true that friends would be there when we need them but not in all cases. I don't think it is wise to have drinking buddies who treats you worse than your enemies.... like this guy.

The moral of the story is...don't drink and be careful of who your friends are.

My New Year Resolution

Hi!

I've set up a new resolution for the year 2008.....

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My Resolution for Next Year : 1024 by 768 pixels!!!!!!

What's yours??? :-)


Happy X'MAS And HAPPY NEW YEAR!

Cellphones

Christmas is Weird

Christmas is weird- what other time of the year do you sit in front of a dead tree and eat candy out of your socks?

Piedmont Doors

Humor for you.

We got lucky when we heard the old Piedmont Hotel in Atlanta was getting a face-lift and its beautiful maple doors became available for sale as salvage items. We bought several and had them installed in our 19th-century home.

Showing a friend around the house, I pointed out, "You know, these doors are from the Piedmont Hotel."

He raised an eyebrow. "Most people just take the towels."