The Promise

Was called to the pastor's office again yesterday.

"So, have you thought about yesterday's discussion?" "Well, yes. I've thought about it. .... I think I could have be more gentle in the way I ask the boy to leave. I could have talk to him one to one and explain to him the situation. I could have listened to his reasons (whatever it may be). Then only will I ask him to leave the field."

Then we talk some more. My pastor said that there's a difference in values between him and I. To him, the most important thing is the soul of the person. He quoted me as saying "I don't care about him (boy)" in the previous conversation. Truthfully, my pastor misquoted me and derive at a wrong conclusion. But I kept quiet about it, not really sure whether I did say those words. I'll give my pastor the benefits of the doubt and assume that I said that. But I told him that it is definitely not true that I don't care about the soul of the person. Jesus died for me, and for that player. Why should I not consider his soul as precious. I think the context of those words being spoken is about discipline and having to bear the consequences for not following instruction. It is in that context per se, and should never be confused with the value of a soul.

My pastor also mentioned that I should know what my roles as an Assistant Pastor. Basically to assist the Senior Pastor. That is very clear to me.

He said that I need to have the same core values as him. That if my values are not the same as his, then I should rethink my position in the church. (Sorry, this is not the exact words used by him, but the message is such). Told him that what happened is not so much of values but different way of handling certain situations. He told me that his ways are more of encouraging and giving people time, flexibility when being asked to do things in the church. I told him that my way is more of the army style, demanding a certain level of commitment from the members.

He told me that only if we have the same values, could we work together. Told him that I'm willing to learn and grow provided that he is sincere in his promise to guide me and help me grow.
At the end of the conversation, we prayed together.

My thoughts: -
1. Well, truthfully speaking, there's nothing much that is keeping me in this church except my pastor's promise to help me grow. Only his promises that I'm "clinging/holding on" to.

2. I've heard from a former staff that my pastor is a great pastor. And for the first 3 years in the ministry, he proved himself to be that. The church is moving and growing. My pastor has the vision that everybody is buying into. There's clear direction on where the church is going. We all are part of the team, thinking, planning and enjoying serving the Lord together. He took up the leadership. But then things changed. There is a change of leadership. Unconsciously the leadership role was given to someone else. That's when confusion, dissatisfaction comes in. The church health starts to decline gradually. Sad... but I pray that things will change back to be better. If only my pastor will take back upon himself the leadership responsibility and not letting others decide for him, then I'm sure things will become better.

3. Thoughts of leaving the ministry occured many times. But then where can I find a leader with big vision, a vision from God that is bigger than my vision? Where can I find a leader whose leadership skills are higher and better that I can learn from? Why is there such a vacuum in the Christian leadership? If none, where would the Lord lead me?