Friday, December 30, 2005
Some more, I injured my ankle whild doing some house work yesterday. Now, it still hurts.
Hate this kind of day. On leave but yet can't do anything except rest.
Anyway, thank you Lord for your love to me.
Thursday, December 29, 2005
Yesterday, at the shopping centre, I went for an eye test. And the result is good. The specs power has reduced to 125 point. Earlier my specs power is 150.
This is good news. Thank God for the eye exercises that I followed about less than a month ago. It works. Now I’m more motivated to follow through the exercises. My aim will be until I no longer need to use specs.
For anyone who is interested to do the eye exercises, I do have the e-book. Let me know if you want a copy of that. It is about 2.5MB so you must have an email address that can accept such big file, and of course a good internet connection.
They say that the eye is the window to the world. Now the world is getting clearer for me. Hehehehe. Thank you Lord.
Saturday, December 24, 2005
"So, have you thought about yesterday's discussion?" "Well, yes. I've thought about it. .... I think I could have be more gentle in the way I ask the boy to leave. I could have talk to him one to one and explain to him the situation. I could have listened to his reasons (whatever it may be). Then only will I ask him to leave the field."
Then we talk some more. My pastor said that there's a difference in values between him and I. To him, the most important thing is the soul of the person. He quoted me as saying "I don't care about him (boy)" in the previous conversation. Truthfully, my pastor misquoted me and derive at a wrong conclusion. But I kept quiet about it, not really sure whether I did say those words. I'll give my pastor the benefits of the doubt and assume that I said that. But I told him that it is definitely not true that I don't care about the soul of the person. Jesus died for me, and for that player. Why should I not consider his soul as precious. I think the context of those words being spoken is about discipline and having to bear the consequences for not following instruction. It is in that context per se, and should never be confused with the value of a soul.
My pastor also mentioned that I should know what my roles as an Assistant Pastor. Basically to assist the Senior Pastor. That is very clear to me.
He said that I need to have the same core values as him. That if my values are not the same as his, then I should rethink my position in the church. (Sorry, this is not the exact words used by him, but the message is such). Told him that what happened is not so much of values but different way of handling certain situations. He told me that his ways are more of encouraging and giving people time, flexibility when being asked to do things in the church. I told him that my way is more of the army style, demanding a certain level of commitment from the members.
He told me that only if we have the same values, could we work together. Told him that I'm willing to learn and grow provided that he is sincere in his promise to guide me and help me grow.
At the end of the conversation, we prayed together.
My thoughts: -
1. Well, truthfully speaking, there's nothing much that is keeping me in this church except my pastor's promise to help me grow. Only his promises that I'm "clinging/holding on" to.
2. I've heard from a former staff that my pastor is a great pastor. And for the first 3 years in the ministry, he proved himself to be that. The church is moving and growing. My pastor has the vision that everybody is buying into. There's clear direction on where the church is going. We all are part of the team, thinking, planning and enjoying serving the Lord together. He took up the leadership. But then things changed. There is a change of leadership. Unconsciously the leadership role was given to someone else. That's when confusion, dissatisfaction comes in. The church health starts to decline gradually. Sad... but I pray that things will change back to be better. If only my pastor will take back upon himself the leadership responsibility and not letting others decide for him, then I'm sure things will become better.
3. Thoughts of leaving the ministry occured many times. But then where can I find a leader with big vision, a vision from God that is bigger than my vision? Where can I find a leader whose leadership skills are higher and better that I can learn from? Why is there such a vacuum in the Christian leadership? If none, where would the Lord lead me?
Friday, December 23, 2005
Basically the gist of what my pastor wants to tell me is this (not to be read in specifics but in general): -
"That's not the way we do things in Bethel. There should be grace and flexibility. Especially when relating to non-believers. You will put them off. They are there just to play, recreational purpose. They don't know what you have in mind. "
Told my pastor the reasons I made such action.
"Need to set the standard for the players. Instructions has been given much earlier. Flexibility in terms of grace period has been given. Many times the instructions has been communicated to the players (and to this player in particular). Evangelism through high standards and character in sports."
I would say that the conversation with my pastor does not end properly. Basically what I understand from what he wants to tell me is this.
"My action in asking the player to leave the field is not warranted, not proper, and too harsh. There is a risk of the player having negative thoughts/impressions of Christianity. This will defeat the purpose of having sports ministry, the main objective is to reach out the lost. Until and unless the players are clear to the commitment expected of them, there should not be any rules enforced on them. "
Upon reflecting on the events and on what my pastor said, these thoughts came to my mind: -
1. I could be more gentle when asking the player to leave. I could have approach him one to one and explain the whole situation and ask him to leave. This would not create such a stunning effect to the other players (so that the weak in faith would not be stumbled).
2. There should not be any rules given before starting a club. I'm not really agreeable to this thought. In any games/sports there are simple rules that should be followed. If these simple rules seems so difficult to follow, it shows our attitude and should not play the game as our action could endanger not just ourselves but other players.
3. There is difference in leadership style between my pastor and me. He's more on ensuring that everybody's feelings are look into. The impressions I got is that it is okay to be flexible (in this sense, to lower down our standards) if we could win them to Christ. Well, I'm okay with being flexible but the extent of flexibility and the consequences of that flexibility needs to be define.
As for me, I'm more of the army style. Instructions given should be followed. I demands commitment, not so much to make me feel powerful, but so that they will move to a higher standards in life. Some may argue that I'm following the ways of the world in leadership. Yes, why not? If that leadership style is not inconsistent with the Bible teachings. In fact, Christians should reach higher than the ways of the world. While we take what is good (e.g. commitment and obedience to the rules), we must also include Godly characters to it. If however, our mentality is such that Christian conducts is more of "grace", that it is not necessary to follow rules because we need to have show more grace, we are actually pulling down God's standards for Christians. Paul experienced the same issues (Romans 6), "Shall we go on sinning so that grace may increase?" Paul clear answer to that issue is "By no means!"
Showing grace to others is necessary but it should not be to the extent that they be allowed to go on "sinning".
4. I think the name Sports Ministry is a misnomer. It should be Recreational Ministry. Different emphasis.
5. Should we risk our integrity just because we want to pacify one person, hoping that that person will come to know Christ? I don't think so. By lowing our integrity we can be in danger of entering hell. Christians can be viewed as people without integrity.
So at the end of this matter, do I think that my pastor is wrong?
Well, no he is not wrong. It is a matter of different leadership style and different perspectives.
Tuesday, December 20, 2005
I've given them ample time (a month) to get the proper gear for the football game. Told them specifically that beginning of December 2005 every player must wear long socks and shin guard. If they don't have these, then they would not be allowed to play. Even then, after two weeks in December, there are still some who do not have these football gear. Rebellious players.
So last Sunday is the big day. They have to be confronted. They have to be reprimanded. I must set the discipline right. The players must know that it is important to follow instructions, especially in the team sports like football. Two of the players (the expected rebellious players) still come without long socks and shin guard. Asked them why they didn't wear the long socks and shin guard. And the answer is "Bought it but forgot to bring it. It's at home".
"Okay, then you can go home." I told them. "Only when you wear your long socks and shin guard you can play with us". Then one of them said that he still wants to play. "We don't want to play with you" I told him. "Two months already I said that must wear long socks and shin guard,... is it so difficult to do that? You can go home".
I turned my attention to the others who only has shin guard but no socks, and ask them to do 10 push-ups. Then I asked one of the players to lead in warming up session. The rebellious player slowly went out of the field. With that a few of his friends also had to follow him as they came to the game together in one car.
We had a good game that evening. And I know the other players will have more discipline in future. As for me, I feel great as making that tough action. I'm prepared to enter into a fight if necessary (since that rebellious player is quite a big size guy and known to have unruly character). Thank God that didn't happened. Thank God also for the support that I received from my other coach. Making tough decisions altough it may mean that people will not like you.
Saturday, December 10, 2005
I’ve uploaded a video clip of Clarissa Bong.
Christine had just finished the tree, the lights worked and it looked good.
She picked up the phone as it rang.
then listen carefully,
her daughter spoke on the other end, Mum we cant make it over to you christmas day.
the kids want to be with there friends and we are also very busy, hope you forgive us and have not gone through to much trouble.
tears filled her eyes but she said its ok.
It seems so long ago when the house was last full of laughter and the smell
of foods and all christmas things,
she took one last look at the presants under the tree, then switched the lights off.
It was quiet in the big old house Christine sat alone for hours in the dark,
thinking of days gone by, the loss of her man,the kids moving out,
the tears run down her face,
feeling old and alone Christine headed for the bedroom got out her best dress then layed on the bed,
she took the tablets to the music im dreaming of a white christmas.
Christine started to drift into dreams she entered her dark lanes,
she thought she could see lights and felt that someone was holding her hand.
Christine knew this was her last christmas day alone.
Check your list to make sure that you havent left anybody alone out there,
so many people friends mothers fathers decide to walk dark lanes at christmas,